I’ve got plenty of irrational fears. Most I’d rather not be public, thankyouverymuch. Actually, that’s not true. I call them PERFECTLY RATIONAL FEARS because, damn it, drowning sucks and elevators can and do fall.
I avoid elevators. I probably know more about elevator braking systems than most elevator repairpeople, but that doesn’t make me like them any more than I did before such knowledge. Still, mad props to Elisha Graves Otis for the brilliant design. It’s his fault thanks to him that we have elevators and, thus, tall buildings. My poor Grandma had to drag me, literally kicking and screaming, into elevators when I was a kid. Since we all lived in a large apartment complex, this was a lot. It was also a place where you do not let little kids wander alone. And Grandmas do not like going up and down 10 levels of stairs every time we had to go out. I don’t make a scene about it these days, but I still don’t like them. I’m not terribly sad to now be in a place where they are not needed :)
As for that other thing, I can’t really swim. Long time readers might go “hawhaaa?” knowing that I’ve competed in triathlons and done adventure races and love kayaking & windsurfing and all sorts of other goofing around activities that involve large bodies of deep water, some with currents. Oh, and I can scuba dive. Yarly. See, what I do is more akin to ‘not drowning’ than ‘swimming’. I am somewhat lacking in technique. Float? PSH. Why float when you can just power through? So, yeah, learning how to properly swim is near the top of my To Do list this year. Tomorrow I’ll tell you a suitably embarrassing story about why swimming + me = fail, followed by a recent epiphany about it all.
There is one more stupid thing, and it is stupid, that’s been causing me the most trouble the last few weeks: the fear of missing something on the internet. Ridiculous! No one person can ever really stay up to date on everything that’s happening online, no matter what. It’s a Sisyphean task. Good luck with that, eh. That hasn’t stopped me from trying. I’ve been buried in manuals and presentations and internal documents, trying to sort through incredibly dense and endless lines of code to make everything work. As a writer I could take breaks whenever I felt like it. If something interesting popped up in my twitter feed, I read it. You share a funny video, I’ll watch it. Need to chat? I’m here for you. Now, someone else owns my time and I’ve been feeling like I’m missing out. This nagging little voice pops up and says “Why aren’t you reading this great article on Ars?” “C’mon, something hilarious could be happening on /. or <forum> RIGHT NOW!” “Surely one little trip to YouTube won’t hurt!” “Someone is wrong on the internet!”
I’m getting better at making that voice go away. I am trying to spend more time offline after work because, well, it’s draining having a day job again and if I rush home to hit the net, the next day feels that much harder since it feels like I never left. That’s not a good feeling. I need ‘me time’ that’s more than sitting at another desk. Makes me glad that I do my writing on the walls so I can stretch out my physical and creative muscles at the same time. It also gives me time to do something I love but haven’t made proper time for in months. READING. Not skimming the internet or flying through articles and blogs and tweets, but reading actual physical paper books. They are wonderful. I missed them. Once I get a utility bill, I’ll be able to prove that I live here and get a new library card so I can read even more books. I love ereaders, too, but nothing will ever beat holding a real book in my hands and lovingly flipping the pages.
It’s also been easier to distance myself from mindless internet consumption putting this together:
- Elevators crashing
- Drowning
- Missing something on the internet
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