Explaining Game Mechanics

Sometimes game mechanics can be hard to explain. I recently completed a review of a DS game that, frankly, wasn’t going well, writing-wise.

“You drag the stylus along within a moving circle to pop bubbles, and there are long fish that you must stroke to vibrate-” NO NO NO. Times like these it’s handy to turn to another brain to help push you out of the circle you’re in. It’s even better when you talk about it to someone who has absolutely zero clue about the type of game, which helps you make your points crystal clear.

me: Anyway, so there are these looooooooong bony fish that you just rub the stylus up and down on. There has to be a better way to say that.

Troy: …

me: I just don’t know it yet. I, uh, lost the book, so I can’t look it up.

Troy: Say back and forth
Not up and down
Or even just rub
Since that implies motion

me: rub is good. I can work with rub. It’s still gross. When you see it, anyway. They are freaky fish and make this weird face when you do it. I honestly avoid that whole world since it’s creepy.

Troy: You can always add a parenthetical “(stop it)” so readers know you are in on the joke

me: hang on, need to jump upstairs for a sec. Blasting music while reviewing a music game is fail.

Troy: hahaha

me: I live in a sitcom

Troy: A good one I hope

me: “Why do we have to turn it down”
“My ceiling was shaking.”
“So?”
“And I’m working”
“So?”
“On a music game review”
“LMAO. Ok then”

Troy: Your ceiling was shaking?

me: well, vibrating. They’ve got a nice bass system up there.

me: “…as well as long fish that need to be stroked/rubbed”-SCREW IT. Picking a different stage to talk about. I’ll find another way to wax about the cuteness of little hopping birds with snorkels. JUST YOU WATCH.

Troy: No way you can get away from the sexual imagery there, no. Why do the birds have snorkels?

me: cause we’re underwater. Your guy is in a big bubble and the birds that tell you if you are doing well have snorkels and swim behind you. It’s adorable.

Troy: lol

me: The only game reviews that should have the word “stroke” in them are golf and hentai

Troy: hahahhaha

<3

me: YES. I SAID IT.

In short, I talked about something else. And I still avoid playing that world. I’ll link the review as soon as it goes live.